


Part Of You

by Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angry Jace Wayland, Battle Couple, Bottom Jace Wayland, Canon-Typical Violence, Coming out (sort of), Demons, Desk Sex, Established Relationship, Fights, Happy Ending, Hurt Jace Wayland, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Magnus Bane/Isabelle Lightwood (backround), Oral Sex, Parabatai, Secret Relationship, Smut, The Clave (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Top Alec Lightwood, parabatai love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-13 00:34:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29019777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: Alec and Jace are in a happy relationship. Everything could be fine, if they didn’t need to hide. It is still forbidden for Parabatai to be lovers, though there is no curse. As the Head of the Institute Alec is under Clave supervision, forcing Jace and Alec to fight on their own, which puts a heavy strain on their relationship. After a mission goes different than expected, Jace and Alec fight like they have never done before. In the aftermath of this they realize that they have to decide if they want to keep their relationship further hidden or if they are willing to take the risks of revealing their love to change ancient and outdated laws.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 18
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Windy92](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windy92/gifts).



> This is for you, Windy - you know which scene especially 😉 Thank you for all your support 💙
> 
> A huge thank you to Jessa for betaing this work! Your advice makes my writing so much better!!

Jace gritted his teeth, crossing his arms over his chest while he scrutinized his Parabatai, who stood in the middle of the Ops Center as if he belonged there. And he did. But even more, he belonged at his side. Next to him. To him. A fact Alec seemed oblivious of lately. Jace dug his nails in his upper arms to hinder himself from saying something he would regret later. When Alec had accepted the position of Head of the Institute, he had sworn to do anything in his power to support Alec. And telling Alec now how fucking ridiculous his decision was, was not the best way to show his support. He knew that. But he also knew that he needed Alec. 

It had been weeks since they had gone out on a mission together; Alec always too busy with planning, plotting, strategizing. Too busy to please the Clave, the Downworlder Cabinet, anyone. But him. And he had told Alec that he missed him during missions. It was just not the same. Especially now, since he didn’t even go with Izzy anymore. Alec had assigned him his own teams of rookies. Shadowhunters that had grown up in different Institutes and completed their training in a different one. Like it was custom and Jace and Alec had planned to do so themselves. Before they had been forced to grow up in a heartbeat and, instead of dipping their toes in the sand of the beach of the L.A. Institute, they had shoved their feet in the dirt of Edom and saved the Shadow World from the reigns of a lunatic. Of his brother. Half-brother. Sort of brother. 

In the wake of the chaos that had erupted when suddenly Valentine Morgenstern, the father Jace had believed to be called Michael, had shown up with his true son in tow to wage war, Jace had also found his calm. Alec. Surrounded by death and despair, blood, and destruction they had found each other, in more ways than especially Jace had been looking for. Raised with the belief that love hurt and destroyed, concluding that love also healed, that love made you alive, came not easy. But dying himself and especially seeing Alec nearly die while trying to save him, had unknotted the twisted ways Valentine had shaped his mind. 

And once he saw clearly, it had been easy. Finally, something that had been straight forward. When Jace had kissed Alec for the first time and Alec had kissed him back as eagerly and needily as Jace kissed him, everything had fallen into place. There was nothing wrong with loving a man. There was nothing wrong with loving a Parabatai. There was nothing wrong with loving itself. Nor with being loved back. 

Jace would never go back in time to change any of it, though sometimes it was just painful. Though there was nothing wrong with their love, they had to hide. They had hidden for years now. Only a handful of people knew. Their sister Izzy of course. Magnus Bane, who had become a close friend and Izzy’s lover. Clary Fairchild who had stumbled over the Shadow World by sheer accident and who had dragged her annoying Vampire boyfriend Simon with her. But saving the world and staying alive in the process forged alliances where before none had been. The Clave had not been impressed, though. Their close connection to the Downworld, especially to Magnus and the Vampires of Simon’s clan was a constant thorn in the Clave’s flesh. But as they had first killed Valentine and then defeated Jonathan, the Clave had to show their gratitude. They had given Alec the Institute, though the gritting of teeth had been audible all the way from Idris to New York. Maybe just as loud as his own gritting of teeth now.

Sometimes Jace wondered if heading the Institute was really a reward or more a punishment. Sometimes he wondered if the Clave suspected that more than a Parabatai bond bound him and Alec together. But be it as it may, the Clave kept a close eye on them. And put pressure on them, a pressure especially Alec had to endure. So mostly Jace understood Alec’s decision to put the Institute first. To send him alone on missions. But lately, he was on edge. And Jace knew why. The anniversary of Lake Lyn drew closer. The day he died. The day he was brought back just to kill the man he still considered his father. He needed Alec now. To have his back. To just be there. And he had told Alec that. And still, he knew Alec would not go on this mission with him. He saw it in the way Alec avoided looking in his direction. From the way his body was rigid as a piece of wood. He had known since the Clave officials had entered the Ops Center _to learn and observe._

“Jace.” Alec’s voice ripped him out of his thoughts and slammed him back in the present. Their eyes met for a second and Jace’s guts turned into a tight knot. He didn’t need the next words to know that he had been right. Alec would not come with him on this mission. The room was already nearly empty, the other teams that had already received their orders clearing out. 

“We have detected shapeshifters. I need you and your team to check it out and kill them.” Alec sounded nearly apologetic while he stepped towards him. And he should! _His_ team. _Alec_ was his team. Not these _babies._

The glare with which he was met made Jace realize that he had voiced it out loud. His eyes flickered briefly towards _his_ team. Liam and Kara. He had spoken lowly, but the short flash of hurt showed him that they had heard anyway. Oh well. They _were_ babies. Well, maybe not babies, but kids. Strictly speaking he was only a little older but dying had aged him beyond his years. So technically speaking, maybe these kids were even older than him. Jace shook his head to chase the ridiculous thought from his mind. He knew he used sarcasm as an escape to avoid dealing with his feelings of betrayal

“Shapeshifters, Alec, huh? Will you be coming with us?” _Like I have begged you to._ Jace looked at Alec intensely, forcing Alec to look back. Jace saw the way Alec swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing slowly. Painfully. Alec licked his lips. Good. At least Alec felt sorry. But Alec feeling sorry wouldn’t help Jace get through the day. 

“No, Jace. Not this time. I have to discuss some things with Victor.” 

Aldertree. Jace hated that name and the man behind it and considering the looks Aldertree never failed to send his and Alec's way, the feeling was very mutual. 

“If you need some more manpower, you can take Marielle or Shane with you,” Alec added, sounding very apologetic, but also determined. 

Jace just rolled his eyes. The last thing he needed was someone who wasn’t used to fighting with them. Liam and Kara might be babies, but at least they had spent countless hours in the training room together and on the battlefield. They knew how the other fought. They knew him. 

Jace shook his head, looking very pointedly at Alec. He didn’t need Marielle. He didn’t need Shane. He needed Alec. “Normal Shapeshifters or the mutated ones?” A few weeks back they had stumbled over another, so far unknown species of shapeshifting demons. Shapeshifters themselves were rare, the other species they had never encountered before were even rarer. They couldn’t only take on any form they wanted, they could also feed on their opponents’ fears and dreams. And change into it. Into a spider when you had arachnophobia. Into the enemy you feared the most. It was ugly. 

“Just the regular ones.” Alec drew another step closer, but not bridging the gap between them fully. Victor Aldertree’s eyes burned into Alec’s back and Jace needed all his willpower to not lash out at the man. 

Jace took a moment to take in Alec’s face. His slightly tired expression. The little frown. His impressive eyebrows. His curled lips Jace would give anything to kiss right now. His Deflect rune, Jace was desperate to lick and bite. Instead, he bit his own lip.

“Alright. Liam, Kara. You are with me.” Without another word Jace turned on his heels, quickly followed by Liam and Kara. 

Jace was in a bad temper all the way to their assignment. He felt Liam’s runes burning on his skin. They burned, but not with the reassuring blaze he was used to when Alec etched them into his skin. But due to Alec’s _dedication_ to his desk job, and his probably justified fear of Aldertree getting suspicious, Alec hadn’t drawn the runes on him today. Though the Parabatai ritual went way back to the first ever known Shadowhunter, Jonathan Shadowhunter, the Clave didn’t know much about the bond itself. Otherwise, they would never let Parabatai fight separately. Or claim that there was a Parabatai Curse.

Jace and Alec had toyed with the line of commiting Eros for a while; had just kissed and made out before one night they had given in to their urges, and had just claimed each other in the most primal way possible. After an especially heated training session, Jace had first pinned Alec on the mattress, holding him down, before he had fucked Alec on the same mattress. Spent and curled into each other, they had waited for the world to end. Or maybe not to end, but to change. But nothing had. Only their little world, which had felt finally complete. 

Jace drew his Seraph blade, whispering the name of an angel, watching satisfied when it glowed up. One glance to Liam and Kara told him that they had done the same. Maybe they were not as useless as he had made them look. He would apologize later. Without saying a word, he gave them the sign to attack. Both nodded, falling into formation. 

The door to the old villa swung open soundlessly. Carefully, they entered in a triangle formation, Jace as the spear. They entered a huge entrance hall with one staircase leading upwards and a door probably leading towards the kitchen or dining room. The floor and furniture were covered in dust, disturbed by indefinable footprints. The demons were not to be seen, but their presence was palpable, tickling in the air, making their skin itch in anticipation. 

Shapeshifters, at least out in the open, were always hell to deal with. Last week, a rookie had nearly killed an old lady while hunting one, thinking the shifter had changed into her. Here, in a closed building, the advantage of the demons was rather thin. Whatever they discovered in here was a demon and was therefore to be killed. 

They moved in a circle like they had practiced. Jace motioned for them to first inspect the ground floor. It was as empty as the entrance hall. Silently they moved on, heading towards the stairs, which led to a kind of open corridor that led to several rooms, only protected by a fragile bannister. No sound was to be heard, but the demonic presence grew more tangible. Liam’s nod indicated that he felt it too. They all grabbed their blades tighter. 

Before Jace could choose a room to inspect, the door closest to them burst open and one of the demons ran out, slamming full body force into Jace. A surprised grunt escaped him when his back was rammed into the bannister and, after a second that stretched to eternity, the brittle balustrade gave way under the impact. And Jace fell. 

He landed with a harsh thud on the concrete floor a level deeper, glad that the rotten floor didn’t give in further. All air was pressed out of his lungs and he saw stars dancing in front of his eyes. And demons. Several shapeshifters jumped after him and landed gracefully next to him. Thankfully, he held his blade still in an iron grip. Years of training paid off. 

But instead of attacking him at once, they just looked at him. Surrounding him. What the fuck were they waiting for? And why the fuck didn’t Liam and Kara move? Jace took his eyes off the demons briefly to find his two fellow Shadowhunters still standing on the gallery, frozen to the spot. What the fuck were they doing?

And then he saw it. Liam tried to move, but it seemed he was in an invisible field. A magical shield. Shapeshifting demons shouldn’t be able to create something like that. But demons also shouldn’t be able to read minds. Or talk.

“Angel blood,” the leader of the demon group hissed approvingly. “Pure angel blood.” 

Jace swore under his breath. These were definitely not ordinary shapeshifters. Alec had been wrong, and Alec should be here. Having his back, as his team clearly didn’t. 

“Then come get it, asshole.” Jace had no idea what the demons wanted with his pure angel blood, but he didn’t plan to find out. Five demons. He had had worse odds. And he was pissed. Even more than before. That everyone always wanted him just for his blood annoyed him to no end. Even these fucking demons. 

He jumped to his feet; his blade raised. Why didn’t they attack? He didn’t wait to find out, he got ready for the first strike. He moved forward, his blade shifting to the side. And then he froze. He stopped mid track with his blade still raised. Because in front of him, was not the demon anymore. It was Alec. And he just couldn’t. Fuck, he knew that this wasn’t Alec. He knew it. He had seen the demon before. He knew Alec was safe at the Institute. His bond was telling him all this, as was his mind. But for a moment, he just couldn’t. He froze like he had frozen when he should have killed Valentine. When he should have ended it all before it truly had begun. But he hadn’t. He had been as weak as Valentine had always predicted him to be. Later, at Lake Lyn, he had unfrozen. He had killed. But it was a killing that had come weeks too late. But in a way, it had brought him Alec. _Alec._ Jace’s mind snapped back to reality. Just in time to avoid the teeth the Alec-faced demon wanted to bury into him. In the faint distance, he heard someone calling his name. Two voices. Muffled. 

With a scream, he buried his blade in Alec’s chest to watch the love of his life die by his hands, just as he had watched his own father die. Light red blood spilled out of the wound when Alec sunk to his knees, clutching the gaping chest wound. A death rattle escaped his mouth. Jace spun around, unable to watch any longer. Two other demons lunged at him. They all wore Alec’s face. He killed them all. The first had been difficult. The rest he killed on autopilot. Avoiding the attack. Counter. Stab. Kill. Repeat. 

When the last demon fell, still shaped like Alec, the magical barrier disappeared, and Kara and Liam sprung from the first floor and landed next to him. Before they could say anything, he held up one hand. He really didn’t want to talk right now. 

“Sweep the building for more. Be careful. You have seen what they can do.” But the tickling in the air had gone. He was sure that there were no other demons. But he needed to have a minute alone. He sunk to his knees and watched the last Alec die. Jace tried to rub his hands clean on his gear. But the blood stayed. Everywhere was blood. So much blood. A huge pool had gathered below Alec, who lay in it with a cut-open throat. A last smile washed over Alec’s face before he took in his last breath. When the last drop of life had left the body, it vanished back to the hell dimension it had come from. With it, the blood vanished as well. But Jace still felt it. On his hands. On his face. No matter how hard he rubbed, it just didn’t go away. 

Jace didn’t say a word while heading back to the Institute. He didn’t say a word when he pushed the entrance door open and stormed into the armory to throw his used weapons into the intended box. 

Jace didn’t need to look up to know that Alec had just entered the room. He felt it. When he did look up, he stood in front of him. Wearing the same clothes as when they had left. Wearing the same outfit as the Alecs he had killed. 

Alec smiled at him, a little insecure. He must have received a turmoil of emotions through their bond. “Ja-”

But Jace didn’t let him finish. “Fuck you, Alec. Fuck you.” With that Jace stormed off. It was the first time he said those words to Alec and truly meant them. He had said them before. In a teasing way, that had normally ended in one fucking the other. In a playful way that had mostly ended in a one-on-one training fight. He had said them half in earnest, and an argument had followed. But never like that. Never from the bottom of his heart. He had begged Alec to come along. He had needed him. In this mission more than ever. With his real Alec by his side, he wouldn’t still feel like killing Alec all over again and again. Five times. It would have been different. But Alec hadn’t been there. 

* * *

Jace let himself sink into the tub of hot water. The water bit his flesh like little needles, turning his skin beet red in an instant. He had poured bath gel into the water, but not for the foam or the smell. He needed to get clean. His skin still felt sticky with blood. 

He sighed inwardly when his head submerged, the water deafening the noises. Here, under water, away from reality, he felt calmer than he had before. He let his skin soak, hoping that he got rid of the sticky feeling in the process. He sighed again when he felt Alec enter the room. He didn’t want Alec right now. He was still too angry. Too wounded. A few bubbles emerged but Jace stayed under, his lungs slowly starting to burn. Just when he couldn’t hold out any longer, he breached the surface with a little gasp. 

As expected, Alec stood behind him, unease radiating from him in waves. Normally Jace would try to soothe Alec, but this time, he didn’t find it in him. 

“Let me, please.” Alec fetched the bottle with shampoo and knelt down beside the bathtub. Jace loved to get his hair washed. He loved the way Alec dragged his nails over his scalp, massaging it with just the right pressure. He loved when Alec cared for him like that.

“I already washed it.” 

Both knew it was a lie, but Alec froze in his movement, the bottle hovering over Jace’s head for a second before he put it down on the side without making a noise. Even though Jace avoided looking at Alec, he knew Alec was closing his eyes to collect himself. It hurt to see what his rejection did to Alec, but he just couldn’t. He had begged Alec and Alec hadn’t heard. Alec had answered a different call. 

A sad smile flickered over Alec’s face before he got up. “I’ll wait for you outside then, so that we can talk.” 

But Jace had already submerged under the water, holding his breath until his lungs hurt, tuning out reality as long as he could. 

When Jace came out of the bathroom, he was fully dressed. Alec sat on the bed and just looked at him. They both knew that getting dressed was another statement. Normally, Jace couldn’t resist showing off his body, enjoying the effect his nakedness never failed to leave on Alec. 

Alec hadn’t even pretended to be busy with something else. He just sat on the bed with his head rested against the headboard, his legs opened wide. Jace rubbed over his face. Suddenly he was tired to the bones and all he wanted to do was crawl into Alec’s inviting legs and curl up to him. Make up. Forgive. But he was still so angry, and he just couldn’t. 

“I need to debrief my team. It was a hell of a mission.” Jace should have done this immediately, but he hadn’t mustered the strength before. 

“I talked to them.” Alec looked at him pleadingly, his legs still invitingly open. 

“But you weren’t there, were you, Alec?” Jace said sharply, accusation dripping off every syllable. 

Alec pulled his legs to his chin and just shook his head. 

Jace closed the door with a soft thud when he left without looking back.

* * *

Jace found Liam and Kara in the dining room. It was early evening, and the place was not yet crowded. 

Jace slid into the booth next to them, ignoring the worried looks on their faces. Also ignoring his empty stomach that gave a leap at the smell of the food the two had in front of them. But he just couldn’t eat right now. 

“I’m sorry.” Jace hated to apologize, but it was due. He had been unfair, and he didn’t want to become a second Maryse. 

Both looked at him, astonished. “We wanted to say that. For letting you down during the mission.” Liam searched his gaze and Jace held it. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong. We had the wrong intel and the attack on me happened so fast, there was nothing you could have done. Also, there was nothing you could have done about the magical shield. You two are good Shadowhunters. A good team. And I wanted you to know that.

“Having to kill Alec, your… _Parabatai_ , it must have been so hard.” Liam stalled for a moment before he finished his sentence. 

“It wasn’t Alec.” Jace looked directly at Liam, aware of his stumble over the word _Parabatai_. Wondering what he might know or at least have guessed. 

“But still.” Kara smiled at Jace, a genuine, open smile. Not insinuating. 

Yeah. _Still._

Suddenly the alarm siren rang loudly through the room. Red light illuminated the dining area and Jace’s emergency beeper started to buzz. All three Shadowhunters were on their feet in a heartbeat. The red alarm was not good. Their wards must be breached. 

“Follow me!” Jace shouted at his team while storming towards the exit, heading for the Ops center. But the order was unnecessary, Liam and Kara were already following on his heels. 

Chaos had broken loose. In the complete history of the Institute, there had never been a red alarm. Never. The Ops center was already crowded and most Shadowhunters ran heedlessly all over the place. Except Alec. He stood firm as a rock in the middle of the room, radiating strength and quietness, giving orders calmly but with vigor. All obeyed instantly. 

Jace’s chest tightened for a second with all the pride and love he felt in this moment. 

“Jace.” A small smile washed briefly over Alec’s face when seeing him. Jace could tell how tense Alec was, but he also knew that only he could sense it. Because he knew Alec better than he knew himself sometimes.

“I need you and your team in the entrance hall. Now. Demons have somehow managed to breach our wards and they are flooding us. The origin of the attack is there. I will position myself with the other archers on the first floor and take out as many as possible. The rest is for you and some other teams.” Their eyes locked as if they hadn’t fought before. And, as if Jace hadn’t been so mad at Alec like never before, Jace stepped up, raising to his tip toes for Alec to pull him into a hug. For a second they relaxed into each other, before they pressed their foreheads together. “We have this,” Jace murmured before he drew away and hurried to the entrance hall. 

Several teams were already in position, fighting the first demons. A red portal had appeared in the middle of the room, not yet fully opened. But what lay behind the door wasn’t promising. A ball of demons was to be seen on the other side, fighting to be the first to jump through. When the door would fully appear, their Institute would be overrun. They needed a Warlock to fix this mess. But for now, they needed to prevent the demons from roaming the Institute. Jace grabbed his blade tighter. It felt good to know that Alec was fighting alongside him. He was not directly by his side, but he knew Alec would look out for him from atop. 

He was proven right when an arrow pierced the heart of the demon that was just about to lash out at him. Their bond thrummed between them and Jace didn’t need to look up to know that it was Alec’s arrow. He felt it. 

He and his team stood in their usual fighting position, a triangle. Jace had taken control over the rest of the teams on the floor, ordering them into strategically best positions. The air was buzzing with tension - until it exploded. The portal materialized fully, and the demons overran them in a rush. Arrows flew from above in an endless stream, finding their targets. But when one demon disappeared, two others emerged. The portal led directly into a hell dimension. The demons they killed just reappeared on the other side to enter again. They really needed a Warlock. A powerful one. Magnus. When Jace had rushed to the entrance hall, he had overheard Izzy on the phone talking to Magnus. He was alerted. Apparently, he couldn’t come in, the wards had been meddled with. But Jace knew Magnus would find a way. No one threatened what was his, and Izzy definitely was his. But until then, they needed to fight with everything they had. 

Their blades were coated in demon blood and ichor, the air was filled with yells and grunts. The first Shadowhunters fell wounded to the floor, but they were still holding up. The archers, under Alec’s lead, protected them from above. 

Jace’s team stood closest to the portal. Though Jace had complained about them, Liam, Kara and he fought like a well-trained team. And they were well trained. Jace had put them through one hell of a training schedule, and it paid off. They moved together, protected each other. 

But when the stream of demons continued, more and more Shadowhunters got injured. More fell. The archers were running out of arrows. Jace cursed when an especially huge demon stomped through the portal. But the demon was not only huge. It was also swift. Jace jumped high in the air to avoid the dangerous tail of the monster that was lashing at him, raising his blade. With a groan, he buried his blade in the demon’s heart, but the blade didn't penetrate it fast enough. 

Jace yelped in pain when a claw cut through his side before the demon vanished. A scream that was echoed by Alec’s from above cut through the air. In a second, Jace was surrounded by more demons but two fell in an instant, pierced by Alec’s arrows. The others were slain by Kara, while Liam was dragging Jace out of the center of the room, to a wall. Their place was taken by another team. Demons were everywhere now anyway. But the wall provided at least a little protection. 

Jace’s breathing was ragged. The floor under him was already slippery, blood was easing at an alarming speed out of his wound. “Fuck,” he whispered. It hurt. With trembling fingers, he reached for his stele, but Liam was quicker. He drew an Iratze next to the huge cut. The bleeding subsided but didn’t stop fully. 

“Liam!” Kara shouted from behind.

Liam spun around, just in time to avoid the fangs of the next demon and kill it in time.

Jace’s hand was still shaking when he finally found his stele to draw another Iratze on his skin. It helped. But not enough. He knew he would black out soon if he didn’t stop the bleeding. Lose consciousness or worse. The pain diminished and Jace knew that was not a good sign. The wound should hurt. He shouldn’t feel light and fuzzy. He just shouldn’t. 

Suddenly tender hands were on his body and a Healing rune was burning on his skin with a force that only runes from Parabatai managed. For a moment it was like Jace was under water again. All sounds of the battle grew silent. The world stopped being real for a moment, the only reality was Alec next to him. His hands on his skin and the smile on his lips he smiled only for him. 

The wound was still not closing completely. Black lines were spreading. Demon poisoning. Alec drew another Healing rune together with the Antidote rune. It never helped completely, but to some extent. But Jace needed a Warlock. They all needed one. 

Alec felt his heart beat painfully against his ribs, as if it wanted to spring out. Jace’s wound had cut through him like it was his own. He still felt the pain lingering and a new one building, where the demon poison invaded his lover’s body. Jace was safe right now, but only for so long. He needed help. Fast.

Alec cupped Jace’s face gently to tilt his head. “You hold on, do you hear me, Jace?” Alec didn’t care that they were out in the open. They were protected by the chaos, and Liam and Kara who stood in front of them to fight the demons off, but even if they had been on full display, Alec wouldn’t have cared. Jace had fallen too far off the line between life and death they were used to dancing daily. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Jace’s pale lips. “You will hold on, Jace!” 

Jace smiled at the clear order and nodded. “And you will kick their asses, baby. Go. Our people need you.” Jace scooted up the wall behind him, retrieving his Seraph blade. He was not in a condition to do much, but he wouldn’t go down without a fight if need be.

Alec sprang to his feet and turned around, feeling Aldertree’s eyes on him, but he shrugged it off. To hell with him. To hell with the Clave. And especially to hell with those demons. 

“We will protect him.” Liam’s voice was calm, his eyes not leaving his surroundings. Alec nodded thankfully. He knew that. He knew how loyal both were. That’s why he had assigned them to Jace. Liam and Kara hadn’t been the best fighters in the group of new recruits, but they had been brave and loyal. They matched Jace’s fighting mode, but foremost they clicked with him. They didn’t mind his harsh training methods or his sarcasm. They were able to see behind all that. And as he had suspected, the three had formed a real team under Jace’s command. 

“I know.” Alec stepped out of the protective ring and headed to the center of the room. He knew they protected him with their lives, but it was still hard to leave Jace behind. Not knowing if he would still be alive when he returned. But without Jace’s lead, the Shadowhunters had lost their battle format. They needed a leader. They needed him. 

Alec’s blade glowed golden when he urged them forward, yelling orders that were swiftly followed. They needed to buy Magnus enough time to breach the wards and enter the Institute to close the portal to the hell dimension. Without losing too many of their own. 

A sigh of relief ran through the ranks of Shadowhunters when finally, a green portal simmered at the end of the entrance hall and Magnus, followed by some of his Warlock friends, stepped through. Ragnor. Catarina. And some others Alec didn’t know. Blue magic was crashing into the demons and Alec was quick to announce that their priority was now to protect Magnus and his Warlocks so that they could work on closing the portal. 

Alec couldn’t count how many demons he slayed and how often they vanished just to be back a few moments later. Demons didn’t die if they weren’t attacked in their home dimension. They just returned home - and with a standing portal, they were back in seconds. 

“You did it!” Alec screamed with relief when Magnus and Ragnor closed the last inches of the portal in a joint effort, catching Magnus before he fell exhaustedly to the ground, nearly completely drained of magic. The remaining demons shrieked with fury, but with the victory in sight, the Shadowhunters made short work of them. Alec stayed with Magnus and Ragnor to protect them; and was soon accompanied by Izzy. 

“Took you long enough!” Izzy yelled at Magnus, the concern for his drained state clearly audible. 

“I just couldn’t decide if the gold or the silver vest matched the rest of the outfit better. I chose silver, what do you think, darling?” Magnus smiled. Weakly, but he smiled, making Izzy burst out with laughter. If Magnus were up to joking, he was fine.

When the last demon was killed and banished, Izzy was next to Magnus in a second, pressing a kiss to his lips. 

“I was so worried,” Magnus whispered against Izzy’s lips, glad to have her safely in his arms.

Alec looked around, adrenaline still pumping through his veins. The air was filled with after-battle noise. The whimpers of the wounded, the cries of the ones left behind. The silence of the dead. He reached out for Jace through their bond. He still felt pain. But pain was good. Pain meant Jace was still alive. He knew his people needed him now. He needed to bring order and stability, guidance. Compassion. But he needed to see Jace.

He sprinted through the room to the wall where he had left Jace behind. His heart skipped a beat when he found it empty, only a small pool of blood indicating that someone had been there mere moments ago. He knew Jace was still alive. He felt it. But he needed to _see_ it. But where the hell was he?

“Alec! He is in the infirmary. He is safe. Kara is with him. I waited here for you. I convinced a Warlock to make a portal directly to the infirmary and it’s still here.” 

Liam’s voice rang through to Alec as if his head were filled with cotton wool. The pain in his chest lessened when his brain finally understood. Jace was safe. He was taken care of. His eyes darted to the room that was still in chaos. 

“Go. We will manage a few moments without you. The portal is right here. Look, Izzy and Magnus are already ordering everyone around.” Liam smiled reassuringly at Alec. And it was true. Izzy was already in charge. And he just needed to see Jace. His whole body ached with this need. So he nodded.

“Thank you, Liam!” 

A soft sigh left Alec’s lips when he stepped through the portal right into one of the sickrooms where Jace lay in bed, looking pale and exhausted but definitely alive. Catarina stood bent over him, her magic working on the demon poisoning. Kara was outside, making sure Catarina was not disturbed. 

“Jace.” Alec was by Jace’s side in a second, sitting down on Jace’s bed, taking Jace’s hand in his, careful to not disturb Catarina. He pressed soft kisses into Jace’s palm before he rested his face in Jace’s hand, inhaling deeply. 

“Hey,” Jace slurred, his eyes heavy with exhaustion. 

“You are going to be fine, Jace. The healing will take a while, you have been exposed to the poisoning for quite a while. But the runes of your Parabatai stalled the progress enough.” Catarina smiled down on Jace when she retreated her magic. “And yes, I am absolutely sure.” She turned to Alec, who closed his mouth at that. “I will heal his other wounds now, so he has more strength to deal with the poisoning. And you know, I am a Downworlder. I don’t give a damn about stupid Clave rules,” she added with a wink before she worked on closing Jace’s other wounds. 

Alec didn’t need to be told twice. He bent over and kissed Jace. First just pressing their lips together, but when Jace opened his mouth, he pushed his tongue eagerly inside. Needing to feel and taste all of Jace he could have right now. 

“You need to go back,” Jace murmured against Alec’s lips who pulled reluctantly away. 

“I am exactly where I need to be.” Alec smiled before he pressed another kiss to Jace’s lips. But he knew Jace was right. Sometimes, lately often if he was honest, he just hated to be the Head of the Institute. 

Jace curled his hand around Alec’s neck, pulling him in for another deep kiss. “Go, Alec. Catarina takes care of me and I won’t be able to hold my eyes open much longer anyway. Just promise to come back.”

“You know I always will.” 

* * *

When Alec came back several hours later, he was as exhausted as Jace had looked. He wasn’t sure how much longer his feet would carry him. All wounded Shadowhunters had been taken care of, the more severe like Jace laying in the infirmary, the others in their rooms. The dead were in the morgue, waiting to be transferred to Idris. To grant them the funeral they deserved. 

They had found the reason for the demon breach. A rogue, powerful Warlock had paid one of their own Shadowhunters to deactivate the original wards and set in place the others, so that the demons were able to get into the Institute and to keep Magnus out. They still had to find the Warlock, but the Clave was already informed - Victor Aldertree had been quick to do so. He had also been quick to interrogate Alec about his whereabouts directly after the attack and questioned how _close_ he and Jace were. Aldertree suspected something, so much was clear. But this, together with the whereabouts of the Warlock - the traitor was among the dead, ironically - would have to wait. 

Alec was startled to find Liam sitting in the room on a chair, next to Jace’s bed who was deep at sleep. The moment Alec stepped in, Liam jerked out of his own drowsy state. 

“He is fine, Alec. Catarina checked upon him about an hour ago.” Liam rose from his chair.

“Thank you, Liam. I appreciate that you were here with him. So that he wasn’t alone. You should get some sleep now.” 

But Liam just shook his head. “I slept before, when Kara looked after him. I thought I would wait outside. I could imagine you two, hm, need some Parabatai moments or something.” Liam blushed lightly but held Alec’s gaze. “I could make sure that you are not disturbed by unwanted visitors.” 

Alec hesitated for a moment. Liam knew. Probably had seen him kiss Jace on the battlefield. Maybe even known before. But as Liam’s look was open and honest, Alec just nodded tiredly. “Thank you,” he said softly. 

When Liam had left the room, Alec didn’t hesitate and wasted no further time. He slipped under the covers next to Jace, who lay on his uninjured side. Carefully Alec wrapped his arms around him, spooning him from behind - avoiding the wound, but snuggling up as closely as he could. He buried his nose in Jace’s nape, inhaling his scent deeply, feeling his shoulder relax and the tension leave his body. Finally, he was where he had wanted to be all along. 

Jace stirred and Alec felt Jace press into him. “You’re back. I’m so glad you’re back.” Jace’s voice was rough with sleep, pain also still lingering on his vocal cords.

“Me too, Jace.” Alec pressed soft kisses to Jace’s nape. When Jace closed his eyes again, Alec also pressed kisses to his eyelids. “You were so angry with me, Jace.” Alec’s throat closed at the thought. That something could happen to Jace was unthinkable. But that something could happen to Jace while Jace was mad at him was unbearable. Alec had known before that Jace had every right to be angry, but he also _felt_ it now more. The pain of having to fight alone, without Jace by his side, was even more relatable now when he had just been forced to do the same.

“I’m still angry, Alec. But not right now. Right now, I am simply happy that you are back with me. Right now, I am just in love with you and want to sleep in your arms.” Jace tried to crane his neck, hissing lightly when his body moved. Alec was quick to bend over to kiss Jace, preventing him from hurting himself further.

“I love you so much, Jace. And I’m so sorry. I truly am. But for now, we will do exactly what you said. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry and that I love you.” 

“I know, Alec. I know.” Jace sighed contentedly when Alec nuzzled his neck before he arranged himself around him, holding him as close as possible without tearing the healing wound open. A few seconds later, they both drifted off to sleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to Jessa for betaing also this chapter 💙

They were woken by a loud voice and a strange clattering noise, as if someone had dropped one of the old vases that stood in the hallway as decoration. The voice belonged to Liam, and Alec was wide awake in an instant. In the next instant he was out of the bed and on the chair next to it, plastering an indifferent smile on his face. 

A second later the door flew open and Victor Aldertree, with two other Clave officials on his heels, burst into the room. Liam followed last, his slightly worried face turning into a broad grin when he saw that Jace and Alec sat innocently apart. 

“Victor. Isn’t it a bit early? Our meeting doesn’t start for over another hour and I am fairly sure we wanted to meet in my office, and not at my Parabatai’s sickbed. Or is this a social visit?” Alec sounded even, bordering to bored. And Jace had never been prouder of him. Nothing in his face showed that they had spent the past hours curled into each other, soaking up the physical and emotional closeness both had desperately craved after the events.

“And maybe you’d like to introduce your friends?” Jace heard the strain in Alec’s voice to conceal his concern, but he was sure he was the only one who heard it. Because he knew Alec like no one else did. It was highly unusual for Clave officials to come by unannounced.

It was not Aldertree that answered, but the older man. “We are here because we heard something alarming. And this also concerns him.” The disdain was clearly audible in the man’s voice, while he pointed with his finger at Jace. Alec rose to his feet, stepping forward. Still calm, very controlled. But he broadened his shoulders, subtly shielding Jace from the intruders. 

“I asked for your name.” Alec glared at the man coldly. He was the Head of the Institute; he wouldn’t let the man intimate him. In the corner of his eyes he saw Liam type something into his phone, his whole body language on alarm. 

“Who do you think you are?” the man spat at Alec. 

“I am in charge here. I am the Head of this Institute, and you are in my territory. So, I ask for the last time. Who are you? And why do you disturb us in the infirmary? My Parabatai got severely injured defending this Institute and he needs rest.”

Before the man could answer, the woman stepped forward, holding her hands up in a clear approach to de-escalate the situation. “I am Lydia Branwell and this is my boss Martin Cartwright. We are here to investigate the possible corruption of your Parabatai bond.” 

For a moment Alec and Jace remained silent before Jace started to laugh. “Really? Our Institute has been under attack by demons because a traitor helped a Warlock get revenge - a traitor that worked for you, by the way - and all you can think of is if Alec and I are a little closer than the regular Parabatai pair?” 

“On what account?” Alec intervened quickly, though all he wanted to do was to laugh alongside Jace. It was ridiculous. But he would bet that someone had seen him kiss Jace in the entrance hall. Alec crossed his arms over his chest, waiting silently. He didn't really have many options. If Jace were fit, they could easily fight their way free. But Jace was injured. Probably exactly why the Clave had chosen this point in time. 

“I think you know very well what we are talking about.” Cartwright looked disgustedly between Alec and Jace. “And though the breach of the Institute was unfortunate, the corruption is a severe crime and will be punished accordingly.”

“Actually, I do not know what you are talking about. Jace and I are close, but this is what Parabatai are. When you barged into this room, did you see anything indecent?” 

“No. But your man outside made enough noise to wake up the dead. But this is not about today. There are many reports that point to unusually close behavior. We have gathered a huge file on you two. Complaints. Incidents of inappropriate behavior. So far, we haven’t had hard evidence. But now we do. Yesterday you made a mistake. There are witnesses who saw you kiss him during battle.”

Inwardly, Alec’s stomach curled into a tight ball of anxiety. He had feared this, but still he had hoped that his Shadowhunters were too loyal - or had been too busy to notice. But next to his own people there had been Clave Shadowhunters present. Aldertree had been close by. But Alec didn’t let his insecurity surface. He gave Jace a sign behind his back to remain silent and let him do the talking. 

“This must be a mistake,” Alec lied smoothly. “Jace was wounded, severely wounded, so I bent over him to check for his vitals. I was checking to see if he still breathed. Of course, this can be mistaken for a kiss.” 

Cartwright's neck vein pulsated dangerously, but Lydia stepped in again. “That is what I was thinking as well. As we have cleared this up, we-'' But she was interrupted before she could finish her sentence. As much as Lydia wanted to de-escalate, Cartwright wanted the opposite.

“Liar!” he roared, spit flying through the air. Anger had clearly taken over, overruling all common sense. “You were overheard. Aldertree overheard you! He called you  _ baby! _ And this gives us enough cause to question you with the Soul Sword.” 

Cartwright pointed triumphantly at Jace, who had to fight hard to suppress another fit of laughter. But he knew this was serious. He was in no state to fight and he would rather fight than let the Clave drag him or Alec to the City of Bones to be questioned with the Sword. Because no matter how good you were at concealing the truth, no one could lie while holding the Soul Sword, which forced all secrets out of you. 

Before Alec or Jace could say anything to that, Liam stepped forward, outwardly unfazed, but Jace saw the anger raging in his eyes. “With all due respect, sir, I don’t think that this is a sign of anything. Yesterday morning, Jace called me and my teammate Kara  _ baby _ , and as far as I am concerned, I have absolutely no relationship with Jace that goes further than him being my team leader and trainer. And excellent team leader, I’d like to add. And if it weren’t for his and Alec’s calm and vision, I think this Institute might as well have fallen.” 

“How dare you lie like that?” Aldertree and Cartwright both scrutinized Liam, but he held his ground, glaring right back. 

“I am not lying. He called us  _ baby _ and I am very happy to repeat that with the Soul Sword in hand. I was by Jace’s side the whole fight. I can confirm that nothing wrong happened.” 

Jace couldn’t hide the huge grin on his face. Liam wasn’t lying. He had called Kara and Liam  _ babies _ , though in a totally different meaning than the  _ baby _ he used for Alec. And  _ wrong  _ was a broad term. There was nothing wrong with him and Alec being in love. The Clave and their law saw that differently, but Liam had only chosen the term  _ wrong _ . Not  _ wrong by law _ . Inwardly he bowed to him. The boy was smarter than he had given him credit. And loyal as fuck. Jace clearly saw that Liam was ready to draw his blade to defend them if need be. He hated that he was helpless, though their chances were better now with Liam to fight for them. To his astonishment, the door opened and Kara slipped in silently, taking up a position beside Liam. Both looked very grim. 

“So, now this is cleared up, I suppose we can resume working on things that are of real importance? Or do you wish to question the word of a loyal Shadowhunter? As Liam stated, he is happy to testify under the influence of the Soul Sword.” Alec looked calmy from Aldertree to Cartwright, but it was Lydia who answered. 

“No. Mr Whitelaw’s word is enough. We will leave you to it.” Lydia shot both men a warning look and Jace wanted to laugh again. The Whitelaws were the most influential Shadowhunter family in Great Britain and of course the Clave wouldn’t dare to infuriate them by questioning their heir with the Soul Sword about something like this. The Lightwoods had fallen out of grace ever since Maryse and Robert’s alliance with the Circle, and his own Wayland name had long lost all its glory. But Liam’s family was wealthy and powerful. 

“So, we meet in thirty in my office, Victor? To discuss things that really matter? How a traitor could be among your delegation, for instance?” Alec smiled the broadest fake smile he could muster. 

Aldertree gave a curt nod, visibly gritting his teeth. Without saying a further word, the delegation left the room.

* * *

By the end of the day, Alec was exhausted. Lydia and Cartwright had vanished, but he had to deal with Aldertree and the aftermath of the attack. There were plenty wounded, the dead had to be sent to Idris to give them a proper funeral, and they had to investigate how and why the traitor had done what he had. As the traitor was dead, not an easy task.

Thankfully, Magnus took care of modifying and renewing the wards to prevent another incident like this from happening. And the whole time, Alec felt Jace’s dull pain in their bond. He was better, but far from healed. And he knew Jace was still angry. They still needed to talk.

When he pushed the door to his room open, the sight took him by surprise. A smile spread over his face when he saw Jace propped up against the headboard, book in hand, which he lay quickly to the side when he saw him. Alec closed the door behind him just as quickly, applying extra strong locking and silencing runes to the door. 

“Jace. Not that I am complaining, but shouldn’t you be in the infirmary?” Alec strolled over and climbed on the bed, crawling up to Jace.

“I discharged myself. But don’t worry, Catarina checked me out before I left, and she will do so again tomorrow morning.” Jace smiled at him, but something was hidden in his eyes. 

“Let me see, Jace.” Alec reached for his shirt to pull it up, but Jace’s hand closed around his wrist to stop him.

“It’s fine,” Jace said defiantly, with Alec’s hand in a firm grip.

“Please!” Alec bit his lip, looking Jace directly in the eyes. “I just… I just need to see it for myself. Please.” 

Jace rolled his eyes, but he removed his hand and allowed Alec to push his shirt up. The wound looked better than yesterday, but there were still black lines clearly visible around it. It seemed they had even spread. Alec brushed tenderly over the marked skin. 

“They're harmless. But Catarina said they might stay. The demon poison was in my blood system too long without proper healing.” Jace didn’t look at Alec, his voice sounding strangely flat.

Alec bent over and pressed a kiss to the lines. “It seems I got the brains and the looks now, huh?” A small smirk playing around his lips vanished quickly when he didn’t get the desired huff or laugh, but just ringing silence. He grabbed Jace’s chin, forcing him to look at him. “Hey, you know I don’t care, don’t you? I never believed that I am smarter than you. And you’ll always be the most beautiful boy to me, Jace. The most beautiful person. And that has just a little to do with your looks. Which you know are stunning. You’re my everything, Jace.” All Alec wanted to do was lean in and kiss Jace, to erase the tension that spread between them. But he knew that this was not what Jace wanted. 

“Is this so, Alec? I haven’t felt much of that lately.” Jace yanked his head back, freeing himself from Alec’s hold.

“Plea-” 

“I saw you die, Alec. Five fucking times. I saw you bleed to death. Choke to death. Stabbed to death. And I didn’t just  _ see  _ it. I fucking killed you. Over and over again.” Jace slammed his fist against the headboard, the sudden bang making Alec jerk.

“And I wasn’t there.” Alec inhaled deeply. He had known that it was coming. It was good that it was. That Jace didn’t bottle up all his emotions like he had done before they had gotten together was good. But nevertheless, it hurt to be on the receiving end of Jace’s anger. Very justified anger, as he was very well aware of. Which didn’t make it easier.

“No. You fucking weren’t.” Jace glared at Alec. 

“I’m sorry, Jace. I truly am. You asked me to be there. And I should have been.” Alec scooted a little closer, glad that Jace didn’t draw away. He didn’t mention that he had had no idea that the shapeshifters had been mutated and could do something like that: see your fear and take on the form that would hurt the most. That Jace hadn’t specifically asked him to go on this mission. Because Jace had said it often lately that he needed Alec. And Alec had promised to come. He had broken that promise. 

“Yes. You should have been.” Jace looked at Alec with red eyes, unshed tears pressing against his eyeballs. He hated that he brought this up now. He saw how tired Alec was. He knew that this was horrible timing, that Alec had enough on his plate without him being pathetic. But he had seen Alec die, had killed him - he just could not say anything.  The way Alec had put everything else first had hurt. 

“Yes. I should have," Alec repeated. "And it's this time of year again."

"Fucking Lake Lyn." Jace's voice was strained, he blinked furiously.

"This won’t happen again, Jace. I have had enough of playing by their rules and putting us both in misery just to follow some outdated protocols. We’re Parabatai. We will fight together. And I will have a second in command to run the Institute with me, so that all paperwork is covered. And I don’t care if this is against the rules.” Alec reached out to brush over Jace’s cheek, glad when he leaned into the soft touch.

Jace huffed with a crooked smile. “Breaking rules, Lightwood? What has gotten into you?” 

Alec chuckled lightly, answering Jace’s half-smile with a radiant one. “I could make an inappropriate joke right now, but…” Alec laughed. “Ah, to hell with that. You’ve gotten into me, and you know that very well. I always loved breaking rules when it came to you. And this won’t stop.” 

Alec’s fingertips were caressing Jace’s face, before Jace grabbed him by his wrist again. But this time not to stop Alec or push him away, but to pull him close. The sudden move caught Alec off guard, and he fell not very gracefully on top of Jace, but their lips found each other instantly. Alec was just about to deepen the kiss when Jace made a low, pained noise in the back of his throat. 

“Oh fuck, Jace, sorry.” Alec drew away instantly, eying Jace’s wound suspiciously. “I’m fine,'' Jace huffed, reaching out for Alec to pull him close again. 

“I bet Catarina told you to rest.” Alec watched Jace intently, his lips hovering over Jace’s.

“I thought we agreed we like to break rules.”

“Not when your wellbeing is concerned.” But Alec took mercy and closed the gap between them to press his lips against Jace’s, but making sure that no weight was on top of Jace. 

Jace nipped temptingly at Alec’s bottom lip. “You could fuck me very gently?” 

Alec just laughed. “No fucking until you are completely healed. And we both know with your Angel blood it shouldn't take that long. But are we good, Jace? Do you forgive me?” 

Jace smiled at Alec. “You know I already have.” Jace moved towards Alec to kiss him again, the motion making him hiss in pain. 

“Why don’t you just lay down and rest? And this is not a request.” Alec looked sternly at Jace, while he pulled out his stele to draw another Iratze close to the wound. It wouldn’t speed up the healing in the current state, but it should lessen the pain.

“We need to talk about the Clave anyway.” That Jace obeyed without further protest, and lay down on his side, facing Alec, told Alec how much the wound still hurt.

Alec sighed. “Yes. We really do. This was a close call. And they won’t let this just slide. They will find or fabricate more evidence. And I’m just tired of this. We are doing nothing wrong. If there were a curse, it would have hit us by now. But there isn’t. And you are not my dirty little secret, Jace. The last days, our fight, the battle - I just can’t go on like this any longer."

Jace closed his eyes briefly, before nodding. He had hoped Alec would say something like that. But he hadn’t been one hundred percent sure. “So, what do we do, Alec? What are our options?”

“We could live as mundanes.” But both shook their heads simultaneously at this. They could. But this was not what they were. They were warriors. They had a purpose. To protect the mundane world from evil. And besides, they would never cut their bond.

“We could run,” Jace added. They had of course thought of this before. Discussed it before. But this was also not what they were. They were not runaways, willing to hide for the rest of their lives. They were not prepared to leave Izzy and Max behind, or their friends like Magnus. At least not without a fight. 

“Or we could just confront them. We could invite some officials, that Lydia person maybe, she seemed rather rational. And then we could just straight up tell them. That we are together. Have been together for years. And that nothing  _ happened _ . There simply is no curse.” Alec said with a firm voice while their eyes locked and Jace nodded.

“We have to prepare that carefully. If they don’t see reason, I won’t let them arrest me. Or you. I will fight. And we would need to run again.” 

“Yes. But this wouldn’t be in secret. It would be with a bang. And maybe, in the long run, it will change the rules. But of course, we can also carry on and try to hide more. But to be honest, Jace, I am so sick of all of that.”

“Yeah, me too. We have to wait until I am completely healed, though. I need to be at full capacity. And I like the idea of showing everyone to whom you belong. And I. That we belong to each other, and that there is nothing wrong with our love. And if we need to fight free, we will. I am sure Magnus would portal us somewhere safe if need be.” Jace took Alec’s hand to interlace their fingers. “But you would lose the Institute. And I know how much it means to you.”

Alec just smiled, raising their interlaced hands to his mouth to press a kiss to each of Jace’s knuckles. “But I am nothing without you. And it’s not that we don’t have allies. We have the Downworld supporting us. Izzy. But also Liam and Kara, and who knows who else. And at least Liam has a powerful name behind him. Maybe we can do it. Maybe we can make change happen.” 

“You know that it is not very likely,” Jace cautioned. There were too many men and women like Cartwright in charge in Idris, and too few like Lydia. 

“I know. That’s why we will come prepared.” A grim expression was washing over Alec’s face. He really was done hiding. “But now you need to rest.” He looked pointedly at Jace who raised an eyebrow.

“Says the one with bags under his eyes that nearly reach the floor.”

“Okay.  _ We  _ need to rest.” Alec smiled while he wrapped himself carefully around Jace, making sure not to touch his wound. A contented sigh escaped him when Jace pulled the blanket up, covering them both. 

* * *

Jace opened the door to Alec’s office, pleased when he found it empty except for Alec. He shut the door behind him with a soft thud.

“Guess who is cleared for duty.” A smug smile was playing around his lips while he strolled over to Alec, who was still sitting behind his desk. With a small nudge, he shoved Alec’s chair backwards to climb on top of Alec with a cat-like motion. He grinned down on him while straddling his legs.

“Hm, I guess you. Didn’t know you were so desperate for a mission. Wait, I just have an incoming one you could take…” Alec leaned back in his chair, a teasing smile on his lips. But when Jace let his hips roll forward, he couldn’t suppress the little moan.

“You are very well aware that I am not desperate for a mission.” Jace glared down on Alec, his hips still casually moving against Alec’s. Alec had been unyielding and had insisted on taking it slow until Jace was fully healed. Too slow for Jace’s liking, but Alec had not given in. 

“Hmm,” Alec made an indistinct sound. “What are you desperate for then, Jace?” He let his hand run over the visible bulge in Jace’s pants, rubbing gently over it but not squeezing. Just a feather light touch that drove Jace nearly insane. He avoided Jace’s searching lips by leaning a little more back, teasing Jace further. 

Jace groaned in frustration when Alec moved his head to the side, skirting Jace’s lips yet again. Alec’s fingers still ghosted over his throbbing cock, and he needed more. He knotted his hand in Alec’s hair and yanked him back, his other hand shooting up to encompass his throat, holding Alec very effectively in place. “You, Alec. Only ever for you.” 

Before Alec could even start to think of breaking free, Jace claimed him in a bruising kiss. The kiss was more teeth than tongue, but both moaned into it, getting completely lost in that moment. 

“My room. Now.” Jace panted but he pressed his lips against Alec’s once more, his tongue slipping in to devour Alec one last time before he drew away, pleased by the sight of Alec’s kiss-swollen and red lips. 

“Now,” Alec agreed, lifting Jace off his lap and pulling him towards the door. “On the other hand - I got a better idea.” He hesitated a moment at the half-opened door, but then he closed it, locked it, and applied the usual runes. He spun around, pulling Jace close. He grinned when he saw the question in Jace’s eyes. His smile deepened when he cupped Jace’s ass to lift him up and Jace yelped in surprise.

“Legs,” Alec commanded and Jace complied, wrapping his legs around Alec’s waist, allowing Alec to carry him. Alec kissed Jace hungrily while he went over to the desk, placing Jace on top, not caring for the reports and files that lay scattered all over it. With one motion he wiped them to the floor, while his lips never left Jace’s. 

“I always thought this table was just the perfect height,” Alec murmured while he nibbled at Jace’s ear, tugging impatiently at Jace’s shirt. 

Jace still had his legs wrapped around Alec, using them to pull Alec close until Alec’s crotch rested snugly against his ass. “Perfect height, indeed.” Jace murmured before lifting his hands up, allowing Alec to discard his shirt. He shivered lightly when the cold air hit his naked skin, while Alec kissed his way down his throat, sucking a huge hickey onto him. Goosebumps spread over Jace’s body and a low moan escaped him at the sensation. It had been too long since they had done this. 

His own hands found their way under Alec’s shirt, scratching and rubbing him, pulling him closer while he pushed into Alec’s demanding lips. When Alec’s finger brushed over his healed injury and the still visible black lines, he froze for a second, biting his bottom lip. He knew Alec had said he didn’t mind the marks, but he couldn't help but find them ugly. 

“Lay back,” Alec ordered, pushing slightly against Jace’s chest. “Let me see you.” When Jace hesitated, he entangled his hand in Jace’s hair, tilting his head slightly to the side to kiss his neck again, knowing that Jace loved to be caressed in this sensitive spot. His other hand rested against the black lines, rubbing over them tenderly. When he drew away, another bruise covered Jace’s skin and Jace's eyes were glazed over with lust. “Now, Jace.” Their eyes locked and Alec tugged at Jace’s hair impatiently. With a sigh, Jace followed the pull and lowered himself down on the desk. 

“Fuck,” Alec murmured, “You look so beautiful. So damn beautiful. So perfect for me. And nothing will ever change that.” Alec bent over to kiss his way down from Jace’s sternum to his belly button, biting lightly into it, before he focused on Jace’s left side. The black lines were clearly visible, but Alec was not lying. Jace would always be beautiful to him, no matter how many scars or marks he carried. He licked over the first line before he kissed the second, sucking a mark over the next until he felt all tension leave Jace’s body and all he could hear was his soft moans. 

With sure fingers, he reached for Jace’s belt and unbuckled it, opening his fly. Before he knelt down between Jace’s legs, he got rid of his shirt. He mouthed over the still-clothed bulge, pressing eager kisses to Jace’s cock. “Oh fuck”, he murmured when he inhaled Jace’s musky scent, feeling his own cock hardening in his jeans. He teased Jace a little longer, kissing him through the thin fabric of his boxer briefs, nipping with his lips until Jace started to writhe on the table, before he tapped lightly at Jace’s ass to make him lift it. Jace was quick to comply, a contented sigh escaping him when Alec pulled his pants off, together with his underwear, quickly followed by his shoes and socks. 

Alec locked eyes with Jace before he sucked two fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue lasciviously around them until he heard Jace moan and his breathing speed up. “Open up.” And Jace let his legs fall wider, scooting a little closer to the edge of the desk so that Alec had better access. A high-pitched sound escaped him when Alec pulled his fingers out of his mouth with an obscene pop just to press one finger against his rim. “Tell me, Jace, how desperate are you?” He asked teasingly, circling Jace’s hole, pushing in his tip just to retreat it a second later.

“Fuck you,” Jace groaned helplessly, but this only deepened Alec’s grin.

“I didn’t quite get that, Jace.” 

“Alec, please!” Jace bit his lips to hinder more needy sounds from falling, but if Alec wouldn’t push his finger inside him right  _ fucking  _ now, he swore to the angels he would bend Alec over the desk and  _ fuck _ him instead.

Alec just laughed lowly, but he took mercy. With one forceful push he shoved his finger inside Jace, while simultaneously closing his lips around Jace’s cock, swallowing him down in one go. A low sound from deep within escaped Jace at the feeling of Alec’s mouth around his cock and his long finger inside him, which, in contrast to the slow beginning, fucked now into him at a quick pace.

Alec hollowed his cheeks and started to bob his head, adding another finger when he felt Jace getting loose. When Jace’s cock hit the back of his throat he had to take a deep breath through his nose, but the moans that spilled from Jace’s mouth were just too delicious to draw back, so he just kept working Jace’s cock and his ass simultaneously. 

Jace grabbed the edge of the desk behind his head for support, groaning shamelessly, all shyness long forgotten. Alec’s throat felt like heaven around his cock, constricting every time Alec pushed himself further onto his dick. When Alec’s skilled fingers found his prostate, and not only nudged at it but started to rub and circle the bundle of nerves, he swore he could see stars. He moaned helplessly and when Alec took him in especially deep with the next bob, he couldn’t hold back longer. He came with a soft cry. 

Alec got up from his knees, swiping his fingers clean on his jeans, looking down on Jace with a smug smile. He loved that he was the cause for Jace’s wrecked state, for his blown pupils and his dazed look. Still grinning, Alec unbuttoned his jeans and freed his cock, pushing down his pants but not caring to step out of them. He spat in his hand and started to stroke himself lazily, his eyes still glued to his Parabatai’s flushed face. “Look at you,” Alec whispered. “You are so beautiful.” He mapped the black lines with his free hand, never stopping to stroke himself, his breath catching in his throat. He was so close already, but he needed more. He needed to be inside Jace now. 

He parted Jace’s ass cheeks to rub over his hole again, pushing two fingers in, pleased when they vanished into Jace’s ass effortlessly. Jace’s breathing hitched when he hit his prostate again. When Alec positioned himself in front of Jace, Jace brought his legs up, resting them against Alec’s shoulders, exposing himself a little more - without feeling like that. 

“Fuck,” he moaned when Alec started to push in with powerful thrusts, breaching him, making room in himself for him. Reshaping him again. The stretch burned but Jace liked it like that, the slight pain just making it more real. His knuckles turned white from the sheer force he was using to hold on to the edge of the desk with when the next thrust buried Alec to the hilt into him, his balls nestling snugly against his ass. 

With one hand, Alec held Jace’s left foot. With the other, he grabbed his right thigh before he started to pull out to slam into Jace again, his grip bruising, leaving marks behind. The desk rattled on the floor with each powerful thrust and Jace moaned helplessly, just holding on. 

Alec groaned when he felt Jace’s ass clench around him with each push, spurring him on to go deeper. Go faster. Whenever he pulled out, he made sure to shove Jace back onto his cock a second later. The air was filled with the smell of sex, their grunts and moans, and the slapping noise of naked skin against naked skin. 

Alec felt his orgasm approach, a warm feeling curling in his belly that turned into heat and spread all through his veins like wildfire, the deeper he pushed into Jace, the angle allowing him to penetrate him completely. 

“Alec,” Jace panted breathlessly and this was enough to push Alec over the edge, making Alec come with a low growl. Alec bit tenderly on Jace’s ankle while waves of pleasure rolled over him, over them both, as his orgasm was mirrored in their bond. 

When Alec slipped out of him, Jace wrapped his legs around his waist again, propping himself on his elbows. Alec bent down instantly, drawing Jace into a loving kiss. 

“I like your idea.” Jace smiled against Alec’s lips.

“I thought you might.” Alec answered with the same grin, before he kissed Jace again. “But your room, now. I’m not yet done with you.”

Jace laughed deeply at that. “Is that a threat or a promise?”

“Both.” Alec sounded dead serious, while he pulled his pants up.

With a sigh and a small hiss, Jace sat up, pulling the shirt Alec gave him over his head. “Good.”

* * *

“Ready?” Jace asked, holding his hand out to Alec, who took it without hesitation. Alec just nodded. Of course he was. They had prepared themselves as best as possible. In the wake of the incident with the rogue Warlock, the Clave traitor and the demon attack, the New York Institute had tightened their alliance to the local Downworld. 

Idris had absolved itself of any responsibility and had left the Institute alone with cleaning up the mess and mourning its losses. Instead of helping, the Clave had intensified the investigation around Alec and Jace, more accusations surfacing and making the rounds. Some Shadowhunters had shaken their heads in disgust, some shrugged, but others were also clearly infuriated. Alec was a respected leader and both of them were war heroes. Not only Shadowhunters from their own Institute showed their support, but also other Institutes were also not pleased with the witch hunt the Clave had started. But Alec and Jace didn’t want to wait for the other shoe to drop. They would make their announcement, having a backup plan ready if they needed to flee. Magnus stood by to create a portal. 

“Of course,” Alec replied, taking a second to admire Jace’s look. He had two swords strapped to his back in an X, a seraph blade in his belt and several throwing knives attached to his thigh holster. Jace was clearly ready to fight. And so was he. He had his bow on his back and like Jace, a Seraph Blade on his hip in addition to his daggers. 

“Let’s do this.” Jace's eyes flared up golden with the fire his pure angel blood brought, activating his own runes - and Alec’s, who smiled when he felt his whole body light up and burn with angelic grace. 

Before they stepped outside, Alec pulled Jace in for a last kiss. “I love you, Jace. With everything I am, I love you.” 

“Everything I am, I am thanks to you. And with that, I love you.” Jace knew their lives would change inevitably. Like his life had changed when he had met Alec. When they had become Parabatai. Secret Lovers. And now lovers in the open. The kiss that followed was calm and reassuring. There was not a single hint of doubt. 

Alec took the lead, Jace following on his heels. Their hands stayed interlaced. A clear statement. Alec had ordered everyone to assemble in the Ops center - and made sure that some Clave officials were present. They were done hiding. Alec stepped up the few steps calmly so that he stood on the bridge, turning around to face the crowd. Jace stood right beside him. 

He held up his hand and the room fell silent, all eyes on him. “I am sure some of you - maybe all of you - have heard certain rumors. About me and Jace. That we are closer than Parabatai should be. That we corrupted our bond. I can hereby assure you that this is not the case. Our bond is not corrupted. We don’t have superpowers,nor have we transformed into other beings.” 

A murmur erupted among the Shadowhunters, some showing disbelief, some nodding. Cartwright, who was among the Clave officials, foamed at his words. But Alec wasn’t finished. Without raising his voice, he carried on, the room instantly falling silent again. 

“As I said. There is no corruption. But there is love. I love this man with all my heart. And the amazing thing is, he loves me back. So yes, we are together. For years now. And yet, we are still standing in front of you, unchanged. It’s time to reconsider the old, outdated laws and make new ones. There is no curse. Jace and I would have experienced it by now.” 

This time, the room didn’t erupt in murmur, but it broke into loud chaos. There were disbelieving noises to be heard, but also cheers. Alec locked eyes briefly with Jace. Despite Alec’s calm speech, they were both tense. Ready to fight. Ready to stand up for themselves after years of hiding.

“Take them!” The ringing voice of Cartwright sounded through the room. “They admitted to breaking the law! And committing Eros is to be punished with de-runing. Take them into custody!” When no one moved, Cartwright yelled even louder. “If you don’t do what I say, you will all be charged with high treason! You have to abide by the law! You are servants to the Clave! You have a mandate!” 

Jace’s hand closed around the hilt of his Seraph blade, but otherwise he remained motionless. “It is time to change an ancient law that has no substance. There is no curse. So there is no need for this law.” 

“The law is hard, but it is the law! Where would it lead us if everyone interpreted the laws just as they pleased? Take them!” Cartwright’s face was beet red with anger. 

“Well, maybe into a state where people start to think about what is right and wrong and do not just blindly follow outdated laws.” Alec’s voice was still calm, but he spoke louder now.

“And if you think that we will just let you take us, you are sorely mistaken,” Jace added with a small smile, his eyes glowing visibly for everyone to see. 

“You have to follow the Clave rules,” Cartwright shouted again, but didn’t dare to move against the pair of Parabatai himself.

“No, we don’t have to.” Suddenly all eyes were on Liam, who had taken a small step forward. “I am a Shadowhunter, and I have the mandate to protect mundanes and keep the peace in the Shadow World. And no one has ever kept that peace better than Alec Lightwood or Jace Wayland. And I am not only talking about the war against Valentine or the Dark War against Jonathan Morgenstern. I am talking about the aftermath. I have seen the way other Institutes are run before I came here, and in no other Institute are there so few casualties as here. Mundanes or Shadowhunters. And that is because they established real relationships with the Downworld. On equal footing. Not only the lip service paid by the Clave. Here, we are working hand in hand. Alec Lightwood is the best Head of Institute I have encountered so far. He is fair, he is just, he knows what he does. And honestly, what he does - or whom - behind closed doors, I couldn’t care less about that. So no, I don’t need to follow the Clave to honor my mandate. I need to follow Alec Lightwood.” 

With swift steps, Liam was by Jace and Alec’s side, but not to take them into custody. To protect them. In a heartbeat, Izzy did the same. She had wanted to support her brothers from the moment they had told her about their plans, but she had let herself be talked out of it. Alec had made her promise that she would carry on running the Institute if he needed to flee. But with the atmosphere shifting in favor of Alec and Jace, there was no way Izzy would hold back any longer. 

Kara was the third to step up, and slowly nearly all Shadowhunters of the New York Institute followed. Alec couldn’t help the proud smile that turned into a smirk when he addressed Cartwright. 

“It seems, you’ll have to get us yourself. But you wouldn’t, would you? So, I have one conciliatory proposal for you. You and whoever wants to follow you can step through that portal to Idris which Magnus hasso kindly provided. You tell the Clave about what has happened here. That from now on, we are an independent Institute, as long as the old laws are not reconsidered and changed. We are happy to work closely with the Clave, as we do with the Downworld. But we will not bow to old, outdated laws anymore. If the Clave reconsiders their laws, we can talk about being part of the Clave again.” 

The united, grim-looking front of Shadowhunters who stared him down made Cartwright close his already opened mouth.

“We will take that offer. And be assured, there will be people who will fight for your cause, even in Idris.” Lydia’s firm voice rang through the room. She grabbed Cartwright by the arm and dragged him behind her, leaving him no choice but to follow. The other Clave officials made the same choice, so did a few other Shadowhunters.

When the portal closed behind them, a visible sigh went through the ranks. 

“My offer still stands. If any of you reconsiders their choice, another portal will be waiting for you tomorrow. Otherwise, I expect you to follow my lead as you have done in the past. Magnus and his Warlock friends will reinforce our wards, so that they won’t be breachable for Clave Shadowhunters. I will reach out to other Institutes to explain what happened. I will talk to the Downworld. I will make sure that not only the Parabatai law is reviewed but also others, equally unjust laws as well - if the Clave wants to keep its unity, it will have to listen. I might ask some of you for help. For the rest, I would suggest we go back to what we do best. Hunting things. Killing things. Protecting the mundane and Shadow Worlds from evil.”

Cheers broke loose, the air was filled with excitement. This had quickly become more than a fight for Parabatai to be finally able to be together openly. There were other rules and laws that were cruel or unjust that needed to be adjusted or abandoned. Alec hadn’t dared to hope for such overwhelming support, but he wouldn’t be he if he hadn’t a plan ready at hand for this outcome.

He knew which next steps he wanted to take. He didn’t want a war against the Clave, and he knew the Clave couldn’t afford this either. The two previous wars had diminished the number of Shadowhunters profoundly, they couldn't risk weakening their ranks further. He and Jace were popular among many Shadowhunters, still worshipped by many for their achievements during the two wars. Clary and Simon who had moved to the French Institute would definitely support them. They had close ties to L.A., thanks to their cousin, Aline, and her wife, Helen. If Liam’s’ stand was anything to go by, the British Institute was going to support them as well. And the influence of Liam’s family reached far beyond the UK. And they had Lydia in Idris, who seemed more than eager to change something from within. Alec smiled when Jace squeezed his hand excitedly. “So, let’s get to work.” 

* * *

“We did it.” Alec smiled widely at Jace, while letting himself fall back on the bed in their room. Their room that was officially theirs now. There was no need to hide any longer. No need for secrets. 

“We sure as hell did.” Jace grinned while he crawled on the bed, sitting on top of Alec. “It’s just the beginning, though.”

“It is. But change always needs to start somewhere. And it started. Here. With us.” Alec smiled up at Jace. 

“We will change the Shadow World. And this time, not with a blade. But you have always been good at changing worlds, haven’t you, Alec? At least you have changed mine since the day we met.” Jace bent down and caught Alec’s answer to this with his lips, kissing him deeply. Alec was right. This was the beginning of something new. Something that was long overdue. The change had started, and he and Alec would make sure that it never stopped. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos & comments are loved 💙


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